I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize