I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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