what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
