I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
