ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Jerry, you need to find god
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
