the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm passing your future prison.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
