I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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