Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
