Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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