I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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