just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
