I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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