I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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