in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
