we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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