Rock
Scissors
Fuck
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
