When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
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I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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