when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
