So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
