Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
