I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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