ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
