oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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