Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
