Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
