found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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