he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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