Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
