Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
