I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
