Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
