Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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