There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
