U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
