No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
