My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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