I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
