tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
