I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
