She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
