Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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