so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
