Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
