Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
