he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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