I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
