there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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