Jerry, you need to find god
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want a musical about memes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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