so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
