so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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