OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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