At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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