She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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