I don't usually arrange sex via text message
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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