I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
