i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
