so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
