She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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