Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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