all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
this beer tastes like vomit already
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
