Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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