So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
