Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
