...so i touched it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's like heaven, but drunker
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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