Sponge bath it is.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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