he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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