i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm passing your future prison.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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