genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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