not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
