Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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