Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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