I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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