Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
