Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
