DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
