I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
